A funeral and A Shooting
by shl
Summary: Based off Season 3 Episode 1 ending.  Starts at the Wake and goes thru the rest of the episode and after.  This is from Tara's point of view.  I have decided to continue on thru all of season 3.  Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

Authors' note- I re-watched Season 3 opening episode and wanted to write this. This will be based around the shooting only. I had also seen it looked like they had Tara in a couple dif. places during the shooting scene so I am adding that. So this will be changing some of what all was showed on episode, then it will go on after that.

**Chapter 1**

I arrived with Jax on the bike to Kip's wake. I took in all the people it was amazing to see the turn out; there were SOA from all chapters, Military and a ton of Charming locals. I was proud that in the end Kip was getting so much respect. When Jax and I walked into the funeral home we made the slow journey towards Kip's casket. It took quite a while because Jax was getting hugs and back slaps from everyone. I was getting nods, hugs and a lot of old ladies grabbing my hand. It reminded me of royals getting attention and that was the last thing I wanted. After all his death was on my hands.

We finally got to the entrance and we saw most of the members of SAMCRO. When I first looked into the room and saw the Black Casket with SAMCRO and a reaper on it I had to stop. This was the man who saved mine and Abel's lives. He put himself out there for me and Abel and I couldn't even help him. I was a doctor who saved lives and I couldn't save him. I felt Jax put his hand on my back and that gave me the support I needed to walk in. I felt his hand on the whole walk to the casket. I almost lost it when I saw the cut; the guys had given him a real cut with all his rockers.

I knelt down in front of the casket. Jax had stayed back to let me say goodbye alone, in the back of my head I knew while Jax and I were in there no one else would come in, I would have all the time I want to say goodbye. So I knelt there sending out my thoughts to Kip…

_I am so sorry I couldn't save you kip. I will never forgive myself for not being able to save your life or to save Abel from being taken after you gave your life for us. There is nothing I could ever say to thank you for saving us. You didn't even know you saved 3 lives that day. You are a true hero; thank you. May you finally be at peace._

I took another minute to calm myself. I knew when I got up I couldn't show the emotion I was feeling. I saw Jax tap the cut on the casket. I slowly stood and realized Clay was standing there. I turned to him when he reached out, getting a hug from Clay was still new to me but at least I knew he didn't hate me. I realized Clay wanted to talk with Jax so I went to walk away but Jax grabbed my hand. After the days of him not even functioning his hand in mine felt like being home, no matter where I happened to be standing.

I walked back to the entrance of the room where SAMCRO was standing. I walked to Opie and Lyla to talk with them. I was only partly in the conversation because I was watching as Jax and Clay talk. I saw Jax's posture change as Clay walked away. I knew whatever Clay said had hit him hard and I wasn't sure I was going to like it. I heard Lyla leaving to go check on the kids. I waited until Jax began walking toward me.

"You ok?"

He looked into my eyes "I guess, you ready to get out of here?"

"Yeah"

He gave me a quick kiss and took my hand. I turned and gave one last look at the casket before Jax and I walked out hand in hand.

We were walking behind the rest of SAMCRO; with our arms around each other and we were talking about what a good wake it was and the turn out Kip had. I was also thinking about my pregnancy and when to tell Jax. All of a sudden gun shots and screams filled my ears. I felt Jax push me to the ground and use his body to protect mine. I was scared more for Jax then myself because obviously a drive by would have SOA targets. After a minute the pressure of Jax's body left mine. I watched as he headed toward the road; I started getting up slowly and then I got up and went to help a member I seen who was shot. I had just made it there when the next shots were fired. I felt my self being pushed to the ground again but this time it wasn't Jax. I saw Juice standing in front of me with his gun drawn. That's when it hit me; if it was Juice protecting me this time where was Jax? I saw him jump to street level where the shooter was in custody.

I walked up to the edge of the yard with Juice right next to me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing… Jax was beating this guy's head against the street and he was a bloody mess. I watched Opie, Bobby and Clay try to pull Jax off the guy but Jax had snapped. I couldn't watch anymore I turned toward Juice and felt his arm go to my shoulder, I also felt Piney put an arm around me. This was a Jax I didn't know, he looked crazy and I knew everything had finally hit and I wasn't sure the Jax I knew and loved would be back. I also realized that Jax would find Abel or die trying. Finally he gave in to Opie and Bobby and the cops put cuffs on him. He looked up and our eyes met, I held them until I heard Unser call for me.

I went to jump down and stopped remembering I was pregnant. Juice Jumped down first

"Here doc let me help you"

After he lifted me down I jogged to Hale, I didn't even realized Juice had stayed with me until I stopped short at the sight of Hale and he bumped into me. I got down and felt for a pulse, there was nothing. I was going to start CPR until I realized the van had run over his head, I had no chance of saving him.

"I'm sorry; there is nothing I can do. I have to get back up there to see if I can help anyone else"

I stood up and went to walk away but Jacob grabbed my arm

"You just want to get back to those criminals instead of saving my brother"

"Let go Jacob or I will tear your arm off" Juice had stepped toward him

Jacob let my arm go quickly.

"Jacob If there was anything I could do I would. David is my friend and I want to help him but I can't. So I have the responsibility of trying to help the ones I can. I am sorry I can't help your brother."

Tara had tears rolling down her cheeks as she made her way back to the rest of the people. She met Jax's eyes again but kept moving. She heard Jax tell Juice to stay with me but I ignored it, I had more important things to do. I heard the ambulance sirens but I knew they wouldn't be here for a few minutes. I started checking people, when I heard someone call over to me

"Doc, we have a hurt boy"

I ran over seeing a little boy with a bullet wound to his belly. I knew I needed help with this, but at least he had a pulse. Just then the first ambulance showed up.

"Hey Juice get me the first EMT out of the squad. Hurry!"

A minute later an EMT showed up

"Let me see him. Get out of my way miss."

"No I am a pediatric surgeon with St. Thomas, I just need some supplies."

We worked for 5 minutes stabilizing him, and then the squad took him to St. Thomas. I went back to checking out everyone. Finally, after the last injury I had worked on, had left in the ambulance I let myself look around. There was blood all over and when I looked at my hands I was covered in blood. I felt dizzy and had to grab onto Juice until I regained my balance.

"Doc you ok?"

"Yeah, I just got up to fast I guess I got a little dizzy."

Clay must have seen it too because he came over.

"Juice get her home, she has done enough. Stay with her, we don't know what this attack was for I don't want any easy targets and I don't think Jax will be out till morning."

We walked down to the bikes and they still had Jax cuffed sitting on the curb. I was going to walk to him but I knew I needed to get my mind around what all had happened before talking to Jax. Unser called me over to check the shooter.

"Doc we need to know if we have to go to the hospital or take him in and let the jail doctor's work on him."

I met Jax's eyes as I walked over to the shooter. After I checked him out I reported to Unser and SAMCRO.

"Well Jax broke his nose, at least one cheek bone and his jaw. He has to go to the hospital. His jaw will have to be wired shut and have a feeding tube for a little while. That's all the more I can tell you without x-rays and tests. Now I want a shower to get this blood off me and go to bed."

"Do you want me to get an officer to give you a ride Tara?"

"That's not necessary Unser, we have Tara all taken care of" Clay answered

Jax spoke for the first time "I don't want her left alone Clay"

"I know son, Juice is going to take her home and stay on the couch."

"Well know that everyone is set can we go juice?" he nodded "Clay call if any of the guys need me. Everyone I sent home should be just fine but just in case call my cell."

"Thanks Doc will do."

"Night guys."

I smiled as I walked past Jax; then walked to the bikes and grabbed the helmet from Jax's bike and put it on. I noticed Chibbs and Tig had also walked over to the bikes and were getting ready to leave. I felt so weird getting on Juices bike but it wasn't like I had a lot of options. As we got ready to leave I looked at Jax one last time. He didn't look really happy about me riding with Juice but all well this was his fault anyway. I soon realized Chibbs and Tig were escorting us home. When our group got there they all pulled their guns and Tig asked for the keys. I waited outside with Juice while Chibbs and Tig checked the house.

"All clear Doc. Try and get some sleep." Chibbs announced as he walked out.

"Thanks' guy, be careful out there."

I walked in and began getting stuff together for Juice and the couch when my phone rang.

"Dr. Knowles, its Sarah at St. Thomas, sorry to call so late but I thought you would like to know everyone from the shooting tonight are stable."

"How did the boy do in surgery?"

"Just fine he is already awake and he is expected to make a full recovery."

"Thank you Sarah I appreciate the call."

I walked to the living room and gave Juice the pillow and blanket.

"Do you need anything else Juice?"

"No Doc, I think you should get some sleep." He looked nervous "You will need some rest; things will be getting worse before they get better. I think Jax just sent a message"

"Yeah that he lost his mind"

"Tara he hasn't lost his mind; I think he made a choice and that choice is no one is going to stop him from finding Abel."

"I know he won't but Juice… I don't know where I fit in with that choice."

"I don't know what to tell you but I do know that this club needs you and without you none of us are sure what Jax would do. I also think that Jax is going to try and do this alone so we all are going to have to dig in our heels and make sure he realizes he isn't alone."

"Yeah well I don't know how to help. This is all my fault."

"Nothing has been on you Doc"

"Thanks for looking out for me tonight. You really are a nice guy Juice"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

Authors note-I cut out a lot of dialog and skimmed over stuff that is included in the episodes and I trying to focus on more of what we wouldn't have seen on the show. Let me know what you think of this chapter. If you want me to include more of what we saw in the show let me know and I will try and include more on the next chapter.

I woke up and just didn't want to get out of bed but I smelled coffee and remembered Juice was here, so I knew I should get up and ready to start the day. As I walked into the kitchen, I saw Juice staring at the blood spot on the floor.

"You should replace these floors."

"I know but we have had other shit on our mind Juice. Do you want breakfast?"

"No thanks, Tara."

"I am going to head to the jail to see about getting Jax out."

"Ok, I am coming with you; let me know when you want to go."

"Now."

"Ok, let's go; oh and Tara, I am glad you are going to stick it out with him and us. Like I said last night this is going to get a lot worse before it gets better, if you need anything let me know."

As I got close to the jail, I saw Jax standing with Clay and Opie. I took a few deep breaths; I knew I needed to be ready for this. I stopped the car and got out as Jax came over. All the guys took off and Juice went with them. I barely listened to Jax as he tried to scare me off. When he finished, I knew I couldn't say anything so I stepped up to kiss him. I chose him for better or worse at Donna's funeral and all this wouldn't change anything. It was time I quit running and stood my ground to fight for what I want. I left Jax and headed to the hospital to take care of another part of my life. I walked up to Margret's office to turn in my Leave of Absence paperwork.

I left the hospital unsure of what to do and shocked that Margret wanted me to stay. I arrived back at home and sat on the couch unsure of what to do. So I settled for what I had been doing since I came home to Charming… worry. I got up and went to sit in the nursery; I sat in the rocking chair thinking about my pregnancy. I didn't know if Jax would want to have another baby or if we would be able to work through everything. I knew Jax blamed me for Abel's kidnapping and hell, so did I. I wondered if I had been tougher, could I have saved Abel somehow. I had been over and over that day in my head but I never could figure it out. Part of me wondered if I had any right to bring another child into my life when I couldn't even protect Abel. I knew I needed to talk to Gemma so I went to the bedroom to get one of Jax's pre-pay phones. It helped to hear Gemma's voice but the pop at the end of the call had me worried.

I had sat in the chair for an hour and hadn't realized what time it was, I had to get ready for Half-Sack's funeral. I didn't know if the boys were going to make it or not, so I knew I had to be there to represent SAMCRO. I put on my heels and looked in the mirror, I don't know how my life came to this…Son missing, Jax pushing me away, keeping a pregnancy secret and representing SAMCRO at a funeral. I walked out to the Cutlass and headed towards the clubhouse where everyone was meeting. I pulled in and was greeted by Piney.

"Hi sweetheart."

"Hi Piney, are we it for SAMCRO?"

"Yeah, the guys are doing something to find Abel. They are going to try and meet up with us at the cemetery."

"Ok, where is Lyla?"

"Over at the picnic table"

I knew somehow I was in charge of making sure Lyla learned the ropes so I went over to her.

"Hey Lyla, glad you could be here to help represent. How about you ride with me to the cemetery?"

"Ok, that would be great. Thanks, Tara."

As we walked to the Cutlass, Piney stopped me

"Since none of the boys are here, we are representing SAMCRO; so you follow me, in front of the hearse."

I nodded and got in line. I was grateful that Lyla didn't speak on the way there, I needed to stay calm. This was the hardest funeral I have ever had to attend; this was a sweet guy who died saving me and Abel. When we stopped, I couldn't get out; I dropped my head on the steering wheel and tried to get control of my emotions. I felt Lyla's hand on my shoulder.

"Are you ok, Tara?"

"I honestly don't know Lyla, I just don't know."

We got interrupted as our doors were opened, Piney had gotten Lyla's and Clay surprised me by getting mine.

"Come on, sweetheart."

"Where is Jax?"

"He is doing an errand to help look for Abel. He is going to try and get here, until then Tig, Chibbs and I are all here if you need anything."

We all walked to the grave site and I sat in the first seat that normally Gemma occupied, and had the few members of SAMCRO that were there standing behind me. Right before the funeral started, Jax showed up; it was weird to see how the guys parted to let him stand behind me. I knew him standing there was more show then anything because he looked pissed about something. Oh well, I would have to figure it out later because the funeral had just begun.

I couldn't concentrate on what was being said because I just kept replaying the series of events that led up to this.

_I had taken Abel into the house to get more diapers and formula and Kip scared me when he walked in. I called Jax to fill him in and I was so relieved when he picked up. The next thing I know, the Irish guy I had patched up a couple months ago, had a gun pointed at me. He took the phone but I could still hear Jax calling my name. I knew that he would be coming to check on us; I just had to keep us all safe until then. When he went to Abel's carrier, I quit breathing for a minute; the second he headed toward the carrier with the knife I leapt to my feet and headed toward them but Kip was closer. I didn't realize that the Irish guy had stabbed Kip at first until he didn't push forward anymore. I didn't know what to do, I was pregnant and if anything happened to me, it happened to the baby and no one would know about what happened to Abel. I knew I couldn't do anything crazy; which actually didn't come into play because the second I saw Kip's body fall to the ground, I fell apart. I felt helpless; I couldn't help Kip and I didn't know how to save Abel. I just kept wishing Jax would get there and save us. The Irish guy was holding Abel and crying and I just didn't know what he would do at this point. He must have remembered I was there because he turned to me and told me to get up. He had a gun to my head and pushed me into the nursery and made me sit in the rocking chair. He began duct taping my hands and feet; I tried begging him not to hurt Abel but he wouldn't say anything to me. I had sat there for about 10-15minutes before I heard the bikes pull in. The door slammed open and then I heard Jax call my name; I had never been so relieved. I saw the same relief I felt wash over his face when he saw me, he began asking me if I was ok but that was when I had to tell him about Abel. I had known then that our relationship would not be the same after this._

I was brought back to the present when everyone had begun to stand as the funeral ended. I stood quickly and went back to the car; reliving that day had really upset me. I stood there for a minute before a phone rang in the car. I found the culprit and answered it and heard Gemma's voice come on the line.

"Tara, I need some help. I am at my dad's and have a medical emergency."

I took down the address and let out a sigh, this is exactly what I needed. Lyla had come over and so I took off without talking to anyone. I let Lyla off at the street and rushed to the pharmacy to fill a couple of prescriptions to take with me. I made it home and packed clothes for a few days and was putting my medical bags together when Jax pulled up.

"Where are you going?"

I really didn't want to get into everything his mom told me but the second he told me what I could and couldn't do, I got pissed. Once he brought up my leave of absence, I lost a lot of that anger.

"I was going to tell you."

"What about the beating you put on your boss, you going to tell me about that too?"

I was very relieved to hear his phone ring and save me from explaining my embarrassing story. He took off telling me we would continue later, how could he expect me to do what he says when he says it? The man knew that would piss me off but it hurt more than anything that he was treating me like a croweater who blindly obeyed them. He was pushing me away hard and it was working. Once I heard the bike takeoff I left, fuck him, he gets to do what he wants why can't I.

I headed out of Charming and couldn't help but remember that the last time I drove from Charming was when I was mad at Jax also. The only difference was, this time I didn't want to leave him; I wanted to be with my family. I spent the whole trip trying to figure out exactly where I belonged in this crazy family and wondering when to tell Jax about my pregnancy. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

Authors' note- Language warning for this chapter

When I finally made it to Gemma's dad's, it was early morning. I was met at the door by Gemma, who engulfed me in a hug.

"It's good to see you, sweetheart. Thank you for coming so quick."

"It's good to see you too, Gemma, you have no idea how good." I gave her a smile "What did you need my help with?"

Once she had explained I went to check with Tig. I saw him sitting on a bed, mumbling.

"Tig, maybe this will teach you to watch who you are screwing." I started chuckling when his eyes narrowed. "Ok, let me see your wound."

I was able to get to slug out without any trouble and then began bandaging it. He surprised me with actually caring how Jax and I were. Then Gemma came in saying Nate was gone, great that's just what we needed. She took me to the basement and I couldn't believe she had a woman tied up, I take that back, this is Gemma, of course she does. When she handed me a bed pan, I wanted to slap her; I haven't had to empty bed pans since med school.

Since I was the only one who wouldn't attract attention, I had to go look for Nate. I had been everywhere and was exhausted when I got back. I hadn't found him and knew Gemma would be mad. Once Gemma snapped and broke her mom's doll collection, I knew I should get away from her.

"Gemma, I am going to check on the caretaker."

I hated that this poor woman was taped to this wheelchair but I also couldn't let her go. My phone rang for the millionth time; the ringtone told me it was Jax again. I couldn't deal with him right now. I knew he would be mad I hadn't waited for him and that I went directly against his orders. The asshole, I still can't believe he tried to order me around. I stomped all the way down to the caretaker. I was probably being too rough, so I made myself take a deep breath before going back to work on her. She asked to be untied, when I looked at her hands I saw she was right, they were turning purple. I was still mad at Jax and the whole situation I was in and wasn't paying enough attention until I felt her make a big move; I saw the oxygen tank coming at me but I couldn't do anything to stop it and then my world went black.

I woke up with a pounding in my head, and then the events that caused my blackout came back in a rush. I tried to stand up but swayed, between my probable concussion and my pregnancy I wasn't very stable. I started to make my way to the stairs when I realized she took my shoes, the damn bitch, I love those boots. I stumbled up the stairs and saw the caretaker with a knife to Gemma's throat. I looked around for a weapon and saw a pair of brass praying hands, I grabbed them and tried to hit the caretaker but my lack of coordination caused me to barely graze her. It was good enough to let Gemma fight back, but then the caretaker quit fighting and collapsed. I felt for a pulse but knew from the position of the knife, she would be dead. I had just helped to kill a woman; I didn't know what to do.

Luckily Tig came in, he was on the phone but once he saw the body, he got off.

"What the fuck happened?"

Gemma took me to the kitchen to get me an ice pack and we told Tig what happened.

"I leave you girls alone for 10 minutes," I quit listening, he sounded exactly like Jax. Jax… I couldn't let him know what I did; he would use it as another reason to push me away. I couldn't lose, him not over something this crazy. I heard Gemma say we would take care of her and my stomach started churning. When she finished, I took off to the sink to throw up.

"Concussion?" Gemma asked, with concern in her voice.

Yeah, that's a good excuse, although I knew it was my pregnancy. Gemma and I carried the caretaker to the bed in the basement and started upstairs when my phone rang.

"Talk to him."

I sat on the steps to talk to him. I was surprised when he didn't spend the whole call yelling at me. When we got done talking I was actually looking forward to him coming up. That was until I looked at the caretaker's body again. I had to run and throw up again. This pregnancy is going to bust me if this morning sickness doesn't quit.

I had just rinsed out my mouth when I heard a bike pull up. This "cleaner" guy was a very creepy man and I stayed upstairs and sat with an ice pack on my head. Tig came up to me.

"We need you to go get this stuff, as quick as possible."

I got in the car and went to the store. I didn't think; I just went item to item grabbing what was needed. I made it back to the house within a half hour. All three of us were sitting upstairs when the cleaner came back up. When told to take whatever he wanted, he grabbed the praying hands statue I had hit the caretaker with. I thought it was a crazy choice, but was thrilled it was gone, too.

We all went and looked in the basement and was amazed to see there was absolutely no trace of the caretaker. We all looked at each other before turning to go upstairs; I gave it once last look. I couldn't believe I had helped kill someone then helped to get rid of the body. I couldn't analyze what this all meant about my life; I simply had done what had to be done. Those thoughts took me back to the day after Jax had killed Joshua.

I knew Jax would probably be asleep but had to give it a shot and called him. I was about to hang up when he sleepily answered.

"Hello."

"Hey Jax."

"Tara, everything ok?" I heard the panic in his voice.

"Yes, sorry I didn't mean to scare you…I just wanted to talk to you."

"Oh ok, my question still stands…everything ok?"

"Yeah, I just missed you, I guess. I mean we haven't been on the best of terms lately and I just missed...us."

"Yeah, it has been a bad week. I am sorry I dragged you into all of this."

"Jax, I chose to be here, so don't say things like that. I just was thinking about the day after Joshua…" she didn't finish and he didn't say anything.

"Well, I guess I should let you get back to bed and I can talk to you when you get here tomorrow. I love you, Jax."

"I love you too Tara. Are you sure you are alright?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that, but knew some things were better told face to face. "Yeah I'm fine. Goodnight, Jax."

"Good night, darlin."

I cried myself to sleep that night; I cried for Abel, for Kip, for having to keep my unborn baby a secret, for being a part of Joshua and the caretaker's deaths and just because I didn't know how much longer I could be the only one fighting for our families' future together.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

Authors' note- Language warning for this chapter

I woke up and knew today would be a bad day, my stomach rolled and I went running to the bathroom. Once I calmed down, I went to talk with Nate; I had to get him to sign a Power of Attorney. He wasn't up yet, so I went online and researched the home where he would be going . I was relieved to see there was a top neurologist on staff. I heard him up and moving so I went in, papers in my hand.

"Hi Nate, how are you this morning?"

"I will be going away today, won't I?"

"Yes Nate, but it is a nice place. I am here because I need you to sign some papers for me. This is a power of attorney form. Do you understand what it does?"

I paused, making sure he knew, about this time I saw Gemma walk away from the doorway.

"Ok, well this will give me the power to make decisions for your care."

"Why you, Tara?"

"Well because I am a doctor and everyone feels better with me being in charge." I couldn't dump all the legal problems on him.

"How are you related to me?"

"Well, I am Jackson's longtime girlfriend."

Finally he signed the papers and I went to let Gemma know. I had never realized she was so against putting him in a home.

"Gemma, this is the best thing for Nate. With his condition, he needs 24/7 supervision. None of us can give him that. I promise, he will be ok there."

"Ok, Tara you have to visit him please…just take care of him while I'm gone."

"I will, Gemma."

We sat in silence for a little while before she spoke again.

"Thank you Tara, for everything you do for us." She smiled at me "Ok, enough mushy shit. We need to pack everything up. Will you take the guest room?"

"Sure."

I was going through a dresser when I heard a knock; I turned to see Jax. He looked miserable. I walked to him, giving him a slight kiss before he walked away. I was getting really sick of this huge void we had between us. He sat down and began filling me in on the bail revoke, and finding Abel. We were interrupted by Tig and they began carrying the boxes to the basement.

I went back to packing because when Jax asked about the caretaker; I just wanted to tell him everything. I tried to keep my mind off everything but that was until I got called into the meeting. I kept waiting on them to tell her about Abel but they never did. When Nate walked in and yelled at the guys, I wanted to join him. Gemma had calmed him down so I went back to packing but Nate came in.

"Hey, Nate."

"Why are you with my grandson?" that was not something that I was actually expecting to hear.

"Because I love him and he is a good man."

"He's turning into a criminal just like his dad."

"No Nate, he is a good man. He is smart and tries to do the right things. You really should talk to him."

He just nodded and walked out again; only to be replaced by Gemma.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Trying to get him to talk with Jax, and all the great things you said about my son. You are an amazing woman and a great future daughter-in-law." Before I could respond she walked out.

She had no idea how far that possibility was right now. I started carrying boxes to the basement and labeling them. I passed Tig, who said they would carry the rest for me. I was labeling them when I got up the courage to confront Jax with wanting to go to Canada with them. I couldn't believe everything he was saying. I wasn't part of the family; he was drowning, to do as I was told. With every statement, I was becoming more and more livid. I knew my snap was coming but didn't think it would involve me telling him about the caretaker. I was so happy when they all left, I sat in the wheelchair.

I knew I had to explain why I blew it with Gemma, but couldn't tell her everything either. I had just reached the end of my rope and I began sobbing when she told me I'd be a good mom. There is no way I would be a good mom; I had let Cameron take Abel, I couldn't keep Jax from falling apart and I just plan couldn't keep it together. I looked at Gemma who was looking too closely at me and I was afraid she would see everything, so I bailed and used Nate as an excuse.

The guys were still gone when we took Nate to St. Paul's. I left Gemma alone with Nate while I let them know we were there. When we went to bring him in and he begged Gemma to take him home, I wanted to take him home. Dr. Adar and I showed Nate around and helped him into his room. I sat with him for a little while and helped him unpack.

"Nate, I have to go now. Are you ok?" He just nodded "OK, well if you need anything, just have them call me, ok?"

I had tears in my eyes as I left the building. I didn't see Gemma where I left her, so she must be hiding in the car. I went to the parking lot but couldn't find the cutlass. I looked twice before giving up; I tried her cell but got no answer.

"Shit!"

I did what I had to, I called Jax.

"Jax, we have a problem…I need you to come to St. Paul's and pick me up."

"Did the cutlass break down?"

"No, your mom took it."

"We will be there in 5 minutes."

I heard them coming before I saw them, I walked to the road to flag them down. We will see how well this goes. When we realized that Gemma went back to Charming, Jax practically threw his helmet at me. As I sat on the back of Jax's bike riding back toward Charming, I tried to find the good in the situation. At least I was riding with Jax and not in the van with Piney. I was getting tired, damn pregnancy, so I laid my head on Jax's back and relaxed. He was very tense but at least I got a little rest, not sleep but rest.

We hit the Charming border and Clay stopped.

"Where should we go first?" everyone said something different.

"I think we should go to the clubhouse. She had a head start; she would have already realized Abel isn't at Jax's and probably went to the clubhouse next." I said.

When I saw my car, I was relieved to have been right for once. My relief didn't last long because Gemma collapsed in front of us. Jax was off the bike before I could get off; once I made it off I started running toward her; just in time to hear Jax call for me.

I begin to check her out but everyone was too close.

"Get back and give me some room." Once they moved, I leaned over her, "Gemma, I need you to talk to me, what is wrong?"

All's she could do was tap her chest. I felt her pulse and realized just how irregular it was.

"Call an ambulance, there is nothing I can do here. She is having trouble with her heart; she could die without a hospital." I thought about what this would mean, she would be arrested "I am sorry Clay, Jax; I can't do anything else without medical equipment."

I kept checking her pulse until the ambulance got there; I quickly relayed medical history and watched them to make sure they were doing everything needed to be done.

"Ok, Clay I think I should ride with her just in case, you guys can follow. Is that ok?"

"Yeah Doc, that is a good idea. We will be right behind you."

Thankfully the ride to St. Thomas was uneventful. As soon as we stopped we were surrounded by SAMCRO, but I ignored it all and was running beside the gurney giving information and direction. An E.R. doctor wanted to examine her before anything so I had to stand up for everything I knew was needed.

"Listen here Dr. Smithson, I have already examined her and she needs her heart looked at, not a ton of blood work. Since you obviously can't do your job, I will help you out get out of here. Becky, call the cardiologist on duty and get them down here now."

I heard a few of SAMCRO clapping but I just walked back into Gemma's room and waited on the cardiologist.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

After a couple hours of double checking everything and determining it wasn't a heart attack, I walked into the waiting room, filled with SAMCRO. Everyone swarmed me, when I walked in,

"She didn't have a heart attack; which is good news. She did have a very bad arrhythmia which was caused by stress and helped by the fact that she wasn't on her meds. We will be keeping her here for a few days, putting her back on her meds to straighten her out. Once she has stabilized for a couple days she can go." I took a deep breath before continuing "However, people know she is here and Stahl already contacted security to watch the room. She will be here within the hour to secure her and when she does, Gemma will be moved to the prison ward. I'm sorry, guys, there is nothing I can do."

"Dr. Knowles, we have that blood work you needed." Becky, looking incredibly scared for interrupting, told me.

I walked to her and reviewed it; everything looked good, thank God. Just then I realized what day it was.

"Becky, is Deputy Hale's funeral still today?"

"Yes, Tara. Are you going?"

"Yes, I am. If you could try to remind me, about an hour before please."

"No problem, Tara."

I walked to the wall and leaned on it. Today is just another beautiful day in my life I guess. I saw Jax coming and I wasn't sure I could handle another awkward conversation. As he approached me, I tried to calm my stomach which was starting to roll. _Not now baby, I'm not ready to reveal you yet_; I thought silently.

"Hey, Jax."

"Hey."

"Look, Jax, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what? You haven't done anything wrong."

"I feel like everything I do is wrong and that you blame me for everything."

Before he could answer me, my pager went off.

"Sorry, Jax, I am only on your mother's case, so I have to take this."

He followed me to the nurses' station.

"Hey, Becky, what's going on?"

"Charming P.D. is taking Gemma into custody for Stahl and moving her to the prison ward. I thought you would like to know."

"Yes, thank you, Becky."

After settling Gemma in, I had to make a run for a bathroom, damn morning sickness. I had just cleaned up when my pager went off letting me know Gemma was awake. I went and got Jax, once we were in the room she demanded answers, I tried to sneak out but of course, that didn't happen.

I was able to sneak away from Jax and the rest of SAMCRO for about a half hour before I was paged back to Gemma's room. I knew she would criticize me but everything she was saying stung because I knew they were the same things Jax was thinking but not saying. When she finally said if it was my flesh and blood, I would have stopped it; I lost it. These damn hormone would be the death of me. When Gemma guessed I was pregnant, I knew that it was only a matter of time before all of SAMCRO found out. Lucky for me, Margret came in. I really didn't want to do this surgery but I couldn't let a child die either.

Once I finished the surgery, I felt 100 times lighter. When Margret told me she was protecting the hospital, I couldn't believe it; I thought she hated me. As soon as I walked out of surgery I ran into Jax.

"Tara, you are in scrubs."

"Yeah, Margret asked me to assist on a surgery on a 20 minute old boy. I think he will make it."

"With your help, I'm sure he will." Wow, that was the nicest thing he had said to me since Abel was taken. Just then Becky came to get me for Hale's funeral.

"You are leaving my mother?" I couldn't believe Jax was upset about this.

"Yes, I'm going, Jax; I figured someone should be there, after all he was killed at our drive by, oh wait your drive by." With that, I spun on my heel and left.

I was getting very sick of this trip. I hate funerals anyway but having so many in such a short amount of time was driving me nuts. As I got out of the car I felt everyone staring at me, yeah SAMCRO is definitely not everyone's favorite group right now. As I sat by my old friend's grave crying, I knew everything was changing and not necessarily in a good way.

I drove back to the hospital still upset but not just about David but also Jax, the club, the baby and my missing son. I walked in the doors of St. Thomas; I ran into Piney.

"Hey, sweetheart, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just got back from Hale's funeral."

"Oh, I bet that was rough. Didn't you and the deputy hang out a lot in high school?"

"Yes, we were pretty close until I got with Jax. " Before I knew it, I was sobbing into Piney's chest. He led me over to the chairs and sat me down letting me get it all out. Just then Opie came around the corner.

"Tara, what's the matter?"

"Nothing, Opie, I just was releasing some frustration, I guess. Thank you, Piney."

I was walking thru the E.R. when I saw Juice sitting in the waiting room, beat to hell.

"Juice, what happened?"

"Oh hey, Doc, uh nothing. Do you have a minute? I have been waiting all day on these people to patch me up."

"Yeah, come with me."

I worked in silence, glad to have something to distract me. About the time I finished, I went looking for Jax, to no avail. Since I had rode in the ambulance, I had no ride home. I was too exhausted to care so I curled up on a couch to wait for Jax to get back from his errand.

I don't know how long I was asleep before I felt a strong pair of arms pick me up and carry me outside. I barely registered that it wasn't Jax carrying me, but Opie. I felt myself get put in a car and heard Opie speaking.

"Remember this is the V.P.'s old lady so don't let anything happen or you will never get your rockers. I will meet you at the house, in case Jax isn't there."

I fell right back asleep until we stopped again. I felt Opie get me back out of the car.

"Opie, what's going on, is she ok?" I was pleased to hear the worry in his voice.

"Yeah Jax, I found her asleep on a couch at the hospital. The cutlass was at the clubhouse, she didn't have a ride so I got the prospects to bring it, but I came because I didn't think you would be here or you would have been looking for her."

"Shit man, I never thought about it. I just figured she was working late."

I felt myself get sat down on the couch.

"Jax, I love you man but I love Tara too. She is hurt, too, I caught her crying with dad earlier. I just don't want you to end up going through the same shit Donna and I did. Talk to her, brother."

I could feel Jax staring at me, but I didn't want to break the peace we had going so I just laid there. After a few minutes I felt him carry me to bed but then he walked out and went to the nursery and went to sleep there. So like I have done since Abel had been taken, I cried myself to sleep, alone.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

Sorry for the delay, I have been too busy to get into this chapter. I am hoping to have this story done or at least mostly done before the next season so I am going to try to update a lot quicker. Thanks for sticking with me!

I got up the next morning and stretched hoping to see Jax instead I just got the normal bout of nausea. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I heard Jax come in and prayed that he was asleep enough to not put it together.

"Are you ok, Tara?"

"Yeah, I just had an uh…a bad dream and I woke up sick is all."

"Oh ok, do you need to talk about it or..."

"No, I actually and just going to shower and head to the hospital."

I took some deep breathes once I was in the shower to calm my stomach. Once I got out I knew I was alone in the house. I took my time dressing and then I drove slowly to St. Thomas. I checked on Gemma first and then I went to the NICU to see if I was needed. I had just checked on a little girl when Jax found me.

I knew that what he was asking me could end up costing me my license but I had to help Jax. It was part of the problem with our relationship; we would do anything for the other, no matter the cost to ourselves. So against my better judgment I set up an appointment and went to tell the nurses I was leaving for a while.

We rode in silence and barely spoke once we got to the clinic; but finally after the deal was done he broke the silence.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I am sorry I had to ask this of you, if I could have kept you out of it I would have."

"I know, Jax. But you also know I would do anything to help you."

Of course to that he had nothing to say. He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as I got out of the van and then left. I went back to my robotic routine and tried not to think on the past few days. It was a nice break to be back at work; just helping patients and doing paperwork.

I decided to sit in my office and finish filling out charts and that's where I was when Jax walked in looking very upset. I barely kept my calm when he said he was done and then he kissed me, what the hell is that. You don't kiss someone you just broke up with, especially not with the love that kiss had. I sat there stunned before it hit me. Jax left me and that was the straw that broke me and I lost it. I sat and sobbed for a long time.

I finally calmed down enough to drive home and noticed that Jax's bike wasn't here. I was really hoping that he would have come home and we could talk about this. I made myself something to eat and went to bed thinking of what a mess my life has turned into. Since Jax didn't occupy the nursery I went in and walked around running my hands over all of Abel's things. The room was still a bit of a mess since I destroyed it; so I decided to clean it up. I knew Jax would be heading to Belfast soon and this room needed to be ready for Abel. I spent hours trying to put everything back in order and cleaning it in general. Once I was satisfied and exhausted I went to lay back down alone as usual.

The next morning I got up, showered and got dressed. This is my family and the life I chose and there was no way Jax was going to push me out of it. I drove to the clubhouse knowing where he would be. I saw that there was a lot of people here but I walked in barely looking at anyone but once Opie tried to stop me I knew this wasn't going to go like I hoped. I could tell Opie was lying about him not being there, he never could lie to me well. I stormed into the apartment and saw Jax on the bed then noticed the Black stilettos and bra on the floor. I looked back to Jax and saw him look upset, just then that porn slut came out of the bathroom in one of Jax's SMACRO shirts. I gave Jax one last look before slamming the door. I have to get out of here as fast as possible. I barely heard Opie's apology before I got to fresh air. As I pulled out I saw Ima come out of the clubhouse, just what I thought Jax used her to give me the final push out of his life. I wanted to hit her with the car but knew I wouldn't do my unborn child any favors so I kept going but I couldn't believe I just saw Lyla bitch slap her. Wow, that was unexpected.

I went to the Cemetery as soon as I left the clubhouse. I visited my mom first, and then went to Kips and David's fresh graves. I couldn't help my next stop usually I don't see my dad's but I couldn't help it. I thought once I left his abuse behind I wouldn't let myself get hurt again but here I was getting my heart stomped on my a man who claimed to love me. I sat at his grave for a long time just examining my life. Jax had been a life saver thru high school and all the nights I had to hide from my dad but now he was the one I needed to hide from.

I finally stood up and started toward my car and stopped. There was one other person I should visit, John. I made my way to John's grave and noticed a ring; it was the SO from his SONS rings. I picked it up and held onto it. That meant Jax had been here recently and might come back so I didn't stay long. I put the ring back and stood up.

**Jax's Point of View**

When Juice had called and told me that Tara was at the cemetery I don't know why I got right on my bike and rode over there but I did. I parked somewhere I knew she wouldn't see the bike and walked to where I knew she would be, her mom's grave. I watched as she went to Half Sack's and then David's graves. I followed her to her dad's grave but couldn't believe she was there let alone how long she stayed. I saw her head to the car and was about to head back to my bike when I saw her take off in another direction. I watched her go to my dad's grave and couldn't believe it. I saw her crying as she ran her hand over his name. It took everything I had not to go hold her and beg for her forgiveness but I knew she deserved so much more than what my life was giving her. Part of me wanted to believe Opie when he said it would take more than this to keep Tara away but I knew there had been a lot more than this piled on her in the past few weeks and I just didn't think he was right and the other half who wants her safe hopes that is the case.

**TARA's**

I had a feeling I was being watched but was too upset to think much of it. I knew I needed to go talk to Gemma. I left her room to go get a bag together for her to take. I was able to find some clothes at the house of Gemma's and had started getting shampoo and make up together when I heard Jax pull in, shit I really wanted to be gone before he got back. He walked to the bathroom and stood in the entrance looking at me. Great, another fight just what I wanted; I just left bag in hand. I didn't want to go back to hospital yet so I called Opie.

"Hey Opie, are you with Lyla?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I need a favor, can you see if she will me at the new club on Grove Street."

"She said sure, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just need to blow off some steam"

Tara was sitting at a table when Lyla showed up.

"Hey Tara, I was surprised you wanted to meet me."

"I like you Lyla, I'm sorry I was so mean to you to start with, you really are nice. Besides after seeing you slap Ima you are at the top of my list." I smiled at her. "Let's dance."

I had an alarm on my phone so I knew I wouldn't miss the plan so I just let go. I just wanted to forget everything so I just concentrated on the music. I knew people were dancing around me but I didn't pay them any attention. When the song "I wanna be bad" came on I really let loose. I was dancing all over and barely noticed when Lyla walked away. I saw Opie walk in and knew that's why she left but I kept dancing. I felt someone come up and put their hands on my hips so I moved away but they seemed to follow me. So I decided to walk to Lyla and Opie but I felt someone grab my arm.

"Hey baby, don't go let's go somewhere private."

"No thanks." I relied and I tried to walk away but he wouldn't let me go. About that time I caught a glimpse of leather approaching. Thank you Lyla for calling Opie, I silently thanked her. When the guy got pushed away I was surprised to see Jax standing in front of me.

"Back off, she is spoken for."

He can't be doing this not after this morning, I can only take so much. I take off for the door and I hear Jax coming after me.

"Tara!" I keep going "Tara, stop!"

I turned to look at him. "What Jax? You got another girl you want me to see you with because I got your drift with the first one."

"Tara, I said I was sorry about this morning. What were you thinking coming here; you had to have known guys would be all over you."

"Why, Jax? Why are you doing this to me?" I wouldn't cry in front of him again, so I took a calming breath. "Jax, what is it you want from me? You wanted me gone and you finally got your way, I'm done. I can't keep being the only person fighting for us and you quit the night Abel was taken. You win; you can bail but DON'T keep telling me it's for my own good Jackson. This is about your wants and needs so have fun with whoever you want."

I got in the cutlass and torn out of the parking lot just as my alarm went off… It's show time.

I was sitting at the police station answering questions when the question I had been waiting on came out.

"Dr. Knowles, you are dating Gemma's son why should we believe you didn't just let her go."

"Because, I'm not with Jax anymore. We broke up and if you don't believe me ask Ima, she's a porn star with Cara Cara and Jax spent the night with her last night."

After that they seemed to believe me and let me go. I went back to Jax's and sat in the nursery thinking of everything I lost and trying to figure out what to do with my current pregnancy.

**Jax's Point of View**

I can't believe Tara risked everything to get mom on this trip after everything I put her thru. I saw mom coming toward me.

"Jackson, we need to talk. What are you doing with Tara?"

"Stay out of it mom, Tara is too good for me and this life."

"You're right, she is too good for you because unlike you she hasn't given up on your love. Jax, you're my son and I would do anything for you but you are in the wrong on this. She loves Abel and has needed you to help her thru this and instead you have bailed on her and now this. When we get back you damn well better fix things with her or I promise you, you will regret it."

"Mom, I'm already missing her but she needs to be free to get a better life than this."

"Yeah well your sons…son needs his mother and father together, and I'm not talking about Wendy."

Authors note- I know I added stuff and don't count on much from Jax's point of view this will stay mostly Tara's point of view.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

I heard a knock so I got my gun out and went to the door; I saw one of the new prospects standing there.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah, Jax wanted to make sure you got your car back quickly, so here it is."

"Oh, well thank you. Did it get them all there then?"

"Yes, well except Tig. He led the cops away in the Tow truck and got arrested for it. Well, have a good night."

I called the station and found out I could bail out Tig in the morning so I went to bed and tried to sleep. I got up bright and early and went to a bondsman and put up my dad's house then went to the station to get Tig. I had to wait for about half an hour before Tig came out thanking me. I felt a little weird about his arm on me but the next time he did it I was relaxed, it just felt nice to be appreciated and protected.

"Tig, I called the garage and someone is on the way to get the truck. I am going to head there; they are having trouble with the paperwork without Gemma."

"Thanks, Doc. I appreciate all of this and you sticking with us. I am glad you came back, Tara."

I was looking for a couple bills that the guys lost and went to go check the clubhouse when Lyla called out to me. I went back to the office, stunned that Lyla and I were in the same boat. I had to get to work so I told the guys I would be back later and took off. I had a day full of surgeries and then I had about 3 hours before I had to take Lyla to the clinic so I changed into my old jeans and a t-shirt, grabbed a change of clothes and took off.

I spent the next couple hours trying to organize the office as Teller-Morrow. I had to stop when I came across a picture of me and Jax sitting on his bike when we were teenagers, I drifted back to that day in my head.

_We rode around most of the day not going anywhere in particular but then ended up at the clubhouse. We got off and went in together holding hands and were instantly engulfed by members. We all sat around laughing and joking. Jax and I ended up playing a game of pool and I was losing so on his next shot, I went up behind him and wrapped myself around him rubbing his thigh. _

"_Hey, that's not fair babe."_

"_All's fair in love and pool." _

_He smirked but missed the shot. When I went for my next shot, he came up behind me and whispered in my ear._

"_Don't mess up."_

_We went on like this until we finally finished the game and then he wrapped his arms around my waist._

"_Let's get out of here, I think we both need to fulfill some unspoken promises."_

"_I don't know what you're talking about Jax." I tried not to smile but that only lasted for a minute because then he let go of me and bent down, grabbed behind my knees and threw me over his shoulder and carried me out to his bike. I was laughing so hard as I climbed on the back of the bike I barely heard Gemma tell us to smile. We took off and ended up at his house and we followed thru on every promise we could._

"Tara!" Lyla was calling to me.

"Sorry Lyla, I was in another time. What did you need?" I asked as I tossed the picture back down.

"I thought I would see if you need some help before we go. What's that?"

"Oh, just a picture of Jax and I as teens I found on the desk."

"Wow, look at you two. You seem so happy. OH I'm so sorry; I didn't mean that like…"

I interrupted her "No you're fine. You're right; we were much happier then. We didn't have so much between us, I hadn't even told him I wanted to be a Doctor yet, didn't leave, and we didn't have a ten year gap, ex-wife, or so much pain between us. We were two kids in love and we thought nothing would ever come between us."

I went back to the office, Lyla and I ended up finishing the office and I went to change and I took her to the clinic. I was glad after we talked and I knew she had put a lot of thought into her decision but she got me thinking. If I had this baby I would be alone, Jax would probably be in jail and after pushing me away would he really want me to have his baby? Hell we couldn't even protect Abel; how can I even think about bringing another child into this lifestyle no matter how bad I want to have Jax's baby? Without even really thinking about the consequences, I made an appointment for the next night.

When Lyla came out, I gave her a hug and took her to the car. She didn't want to talk so we had a silent ride back to the house. When I stopped at the house, I turned to her.

"Lyla, are you sure you're ok? I can stay and help with the kids or just be there if you need me."

"Tara, I don't want to impose on you anymore than I already have."

"You're not, it's not like I even have anyone at home."

"Ok, then I would love to have you stay."

I woke up the next morning and checked on Lyla. Once I was sure she was ok, I headed home to change for her shift at work. I made it through part of the day before talking to Margret. I can't believe I just agreed to let her take me. As my appointment got closer and closer, the more doubts I began to have. I found Margret and we took off. We got to the turn just outside of town when we were rear ended.

I knew then I didn't want the abortion because my first thought was _thank goodness that wasn't any harder and didn't hurt the baby_. When the girl asked who I was, I was getting very nervous and I guess I had good reason because the next second I had a gun pointed at me. If I had any doubts about trying to survive for my baby they were gone because all I wanted was to live.

We rode in the car for about a 45 minutes before they dragged us into a house and up into an attic. Margret was crying the whole time and I was very proud of myself for keeping it together _wouldn't Jax be proud _but that thinking only made this all worse. I sat down and let myself get tied up for the second time in the past couple months and then the duct tape went on and I had to shake myself to keep myself from going back to when Abel was taken.

We stayed like that until morning when the man and woman came back and took the tape off and gave us some water. I heard him talk to someone and give them his name Hector Salazar and the unrealistic demands. I am going to die; there is no way the club could kill the Mayan president and start a war, hell there are only a few members even in town.

Listening to Margret cry and talk about her family breaks my heart. She is only in this mess because I let her take me and because of my connections. I have to try and get her to her family and fix this. The next time they come in, I get my chance and I take down Louisa and try to get the gun but when Salazar connects with my chest I do the only thing I can think of.

"Don't! I'm pregnant!"

The phone ringing broke up anything else that could happen and when I actually got to talk to Tig, I almost cried. When he called me sweetie & told me they would bring me home; I actually did let a small tear fall. When the phone call was done, I let myself get tied up again and sat there listening to them talk.

"Louisa, we can get a bigger payday, we have his old lady and unborn kid."

"Hector, this was a great idea. Once we get that money, we will demand more before we release her."

Shit, this is going get bad. I started looking around trying to find a way out and couldn't find anything. I kept going over plans in my head. The next day when Louisa took me to the bathroom I had pretty much given up on getting myself out and that is when I noticed the crack in the mirror. I found a towel and got to work, once I got my piece and wrapped it in a towel I hid in the shower.

When she kicks in the door I jumped and sliced wildly but ended up slicing into her throat and was able to throw her into the tub with ease. I hesitated because I wanted to help her but knew I only had a small window; so I grabbed the gun and ran to get Margret out. We were heading down the stairs when Salazar got home. I took him to Louisa and we were standing in the bathroom guns pointed at each other. I felt Margret clinging to my back and knew I just had to get her out, so I made a deal with Salazar that I didn't think I would be able to hold up.

The three of us struggled to get Louisa into the car and then I climbed in with her and we took off, I looked out the back glass and saw Margret running in the other direction, _thank you god_. I went back to trying to save this girl. We had stopped for a while but I couldn't stop the bleeding and without extra blood to give her, she bled out. I sat there for a while before I finally gave up on a new plan and went to tell Salazar.

When I felt his weight lift off me and he tied me up I couldn't decide if I should relax some or be more afraid. When I saw a car coming, I started to get excited until I saw the woman stop and Salazar walk up to her with a tire iron in his hand. I tried to warn her but I was too late, he had grabbed her and hit her in the head. Within five minutes, he had moved Louisa and the other girl's bodies under a blanket by the road to be found, the car moved and he loaded me into the new car's trunk. I was crying most of the trip; I just keep getting people hurt. Jax thinks he is the danger to our relationship but I think I'm not worth the hassle.

**Jax's Point of View**

When Mom slapped me and asked what I would tell my other son I was dumbfounded.

I kept running over her words "Tara's pregnant, she two months along."

As we rode to the hotel I kept going back and forth between; is it fair to bring another baby into this world? And Tara is having my baby, this is amazing. I couldn't believe I had to learn it from my mom; but as a tool to snap me from my slumber over a better life for Abel, it was very effective. There is no way I have a shot at winning back Tara, and being a part of my new child's life, if I don't bring Abel back to her. So off I go to hurt two people who want nothing more to love my son and to kill Jimmy.

I was walking to the van to head back to the states with Abel. I was glad that Mom had told me about Tara being pregnant; it explained a lot of the past month. I can't wait to get back to her. I know I have a lot of begging to do but I will do it because my kids need her, and I need her. We were all saying goodbye when Bobby came up to me.

"You're gonna want to hear this."

"Yeah?"

"Hey Jax, I'm glad you found Abel."

"Thanks Tig, what's going on?"

"I'm afraid we have some bad news brother and it's about Tara."

My heart starts beating faster "What's wrong with Tara? Did something happen to the baby?"

By now everyone was crowded around me and Mom had taken Abel and looked scared to death.

"What baby, Jax?"

"Tara's pregnant." I can see the shocked faces around me at that statement and I notice Bobby start to look frantic. "Tig, talk to me, Bobby is making nervous."

"Salazar has kidnapped Tara."

"What the fuck are you talking about? How did Salazar know about her, let alone get close enough to grab her?"

"Listen; put me on speaker so I only have to say this one more time." I do that then he continued "Tara and that redhead from the hospital both got taken about 3 days ago. According to the redhead Salazar came up and rear ended them, then took them at gun point. Tara tried to get away a couple times but never got away from them both."

"Wait Tig, If the redhead was taken how did she tell you what happened?"

"Well, Tara got a hold of something and cut Salazar's girlfriend...bad and she made a deal to save the girlfriend if he let the redhead go. The cops checked the house but have got nothing. I'm sorry Jax, we tried going through with his demands and everything but Salazar made the cops. That's all I know."

I have to walk away and let the guys get the rest of the information, I heard all I needed. Tara and my unborn son's life were in danger and I was tired of people messing with my family. Salazar, Jimmy and Stahl would all be dead before I go to prison. I punch the van and turn to the guys.

"Load up everyone; we have to make this flight and get back; let's go!"

Hope everyone likes it! Please Review! Thanks Northwoman for being my Beta.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

I spent the night in the trunk of the car and waited to die. All I could think of was Jax and Abel. I actually got a little sleep surprisingly enough. When Salazar finally opened the trunk, I sucked in as much air as I could with my mouth duct taped.

"We are about to go inside. I want you to tell the receptionist that we need to see Jacob. Got it?"

All I could do was nod, I wondered why we were going to Jacob Hale's office for but I was so happy to be out of the trunk and semi-untied I didn't think too hard on it.

As I got shoved into Jacob's office, I felt him grab me to steady me. I hoped that Tig and the others heard, they would come and get me but I wasn't going to hold my breath. I could see Jacob was nervous around Salazar but I guess being held hostage does that to you. When we got the call that Jax was coming in, I wasn't sure what to think. Were they just trying to get in? Or had Jax actually come home with Abel? When I realized what Salazar planned, I was scrambling to make a plan but being chained to Jacob there wasn't a lot I could do.

When the knock came I held my breath; once the door opened and I saw it was Jax, my heart picked up its pace. He seemed relieved to see me and tried to get Salazar to let me go, so maybe he really cares. Next thing I know, Salazar hit Jax with the gun and is coming at me with the knife. I tried to stay out of his reach but when the cold hard metal of the knife hit my throat, I had to stand up. When I saw Jax tackle Salazar, I was scared the gun would go off but when Salazar left the room I relaxed; right up until Jax followed him out. I didn't even process the kiss he left me with; I stored that away until later.

Within two minutes of Jax leaving, the door began to open so I aimed the gun and was ready to fire when I saw the SWAT team come in. I let go of the gun and dropped to my knees crying. While they went after Jax, they left 2 officers at the door and one trying to get the cuffs off of us. After about five minutes (right as they were getting the cuffs off) they came back with Jax and he came straight to me.

"Are you ok, baby?"

"Is he?"

"Yeah, he attacked me and I had to stab him."

I don't know what happened, I will blame the pregnancy hormones but I started sobbing and ran the rest of the way into Jax's arms. Once he wrapped his arms around me, I felt at home. We stayed that way for a while before the cops came up to us.

"Dr. Knowles, we should get you out of here and checked out at the hospital."

"Yeah Tara, you and the baby need to be checked." It only took his one statement to bring me back to reality and I instantly jerked away from him. "What is it, babe?"

"Don't, Jax. You can't just come back and make me forget everything. How's Abel?"

"Good, not even a scratch."

"I can't wait to see him."

"Let's get you checked first."

I took the flannel off, I couldn't keep wearing Salazar's shirt. I left it in a pile by the door and walked down the stairs.

"Listen Tara, I am sorry about everything."

"Not now, Jax."

When we came out of the doors, I saw SAMCRO waiting on us and almost started crying again. I could tell they were shocked to see my appearance, which was no surprise since I was coated in blood. I could see them all start towards us and get stopped so I went to them. Lucky for me, Tig was close; he was the first one I ran to, wrapping him in a hug, shocking everyone.

"Thank you so much, Tig! Knowing you were looking for me kept me going, I'm glad you were left behind. Thank you all so much." I went to Piney and Kozik before going to Opie, Clay, Chibbs and Juice.

"Dr. Knowles, are you going to ride with us or with them." One of the EMTs came up to ask.

I looked at Jax, and answered "I will take a ride with you."

"Tara."

"Not yet, Jax. Just give me the ride to process, follow me if you want and we can talk at the hospital…but I need a minute. You owe me that." With that I left a stunned Jax and SAMCRO behind to get in a waiting ambulance and began to cry over everything in my life.

I saw out the back window that all of SAMCRO was following and even though I was mad at Jax it felt great to have my family back. Somehow the guys had parked before I was able to get out and then I saw why, they paid the EMTs to wait. Some things never change. I went to step out but Jax was there and scooped me up.

"Jax, what are you doing?"

"Well until I get the all clear, I am being safe and taking care of you. Fight me later."

I was able to get one of the nurses to get into my locker and get my spare clothes out and I was able to change before the ultrasound. Jax and I sat in the room waiting on a doctor in silence until finally he spoke.

"Tara, you have to forgive me. My kids need you and I can't live without you."

"We don't know the status of this baby…I took a good shot to the ribs and haven't really been well taken care of, so when they do this, there is a chance that nothing will be there." I felt a lone tear roll down my cheek.

"Baby, don't, everything will be just fine. We Tellers are fighters and with you as his mom this kid will be doubly tough." He wiped the tear away. "Shit Tara, I have done nothing to help you with anything. What you said before we left about me blaming you; you have to know I never did blame you. If I would have come home to your body I don't know if I would have been able enough to function and go after Abel. All of this is my fault and that is why I tried to push you away. I can't take it if anything happens to you. You are my life, Tara, you are the mother to my children and I can't take it, if you won't forgive me."

Just then Dr. Chen came in.

"Hi there, Tara! It's great to have you back. Are you ready to see your baby?"

"Yes, please."

The second I heard my baby's heart beat everything else disappeared. Nothing else mattered but the fact that my baby was healthy. I took it all in; Jax wants me back, Abel is home safe and this new baby is alive and well. When Jax looked at me and I smiled, he knew he was welcomed home. The kiss was wonderful, we still had more to work on but I knew we would work through it and be a family.

We walked out and Margret came up to me and hugged me I felt relief.

"Margret, thank you for running out of there. I am glad you are home with your kids and..."

"No Tara, Thank you so very much! You saved my life and I will never forget it. How is the baby?"

"Fine, healthy. Listen, I need a few days off."

"You have the next month off, paid."

"Thank you Margret. Listen we have to go, he got Abel back and I want to see him."

"Yes, you should go. I am glad it all has worked out for you."

With a smile, I left her to go to Unser and Jax.

"I'm glad to see you back in one piece, Tara."

"Thanks, Chief. Listen I hate to cut this short but I really want to go see Abel."

"Sure thing, babe. See ya in the morning, Chief."

We got outside and walked silently to the bike. We rode to Gemma's quickly and I quit breathing again when I saw Gemma and Abel. Gemma came to me first and I wanted to start sobbing again but controlled it and turned wanting to hold Abel. Jax smiled and handed him to me. I was amazed he seemed bigger and yet almost like he was never gone. I just held him until Clay walked in and handed me the keys to the Cutlass.

"I thought you might want something to get the family home in. Just leave the bike and I will make a prospect get it to the clubhouse by breakfast."

"Thanks Clay, that is perfect."

"Jax, are you sure you don't want to take your bike? I can drive you know."

"I do know but I don't want any of you out of my sight."

Abel fell asleep on the way home so Jax carried him in the house and we went straight to the nursery.

"Wow! Tara, did you do this?"

"Yeah, I knew you would bring him back and he needed his room ready."

"Tara, how do you do it? Somehow you always have faith in me."

"It's called love, Jax. We believe in the other person even if they don't. Even while you were pushing me away you had faith. You believed I deserved better than you. You were wrong ,VERY WRONG, to do what you did but at least your heart was in the right place."

"I do love you, Tara!"

"And I love you, Jax."

He closed the distance between us and took my face in his hands and I began to run my hands over his chest. We stumbled our way to the bedroom and quickly got rid of all barriers and made love for most of the night. We re-learned each other's bodies and had never felt closer.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

I woke up when I felt someone staring at me; I was pleased to see Jax's blue eyes watching me.

"Morning."

"Good morning."

It was heavenly to be back in his arms and to know Abel was safe and sound across the hall. When I felt his hands go to my belly, I wanted to cry again; typical Teller always thinking it will be a boy.

"You don't know that."

"I have a feeling."

I had a feeling too and something big was going on today. I hoped he believed me when I told him that no matter what I was here for him. When he began kissing me, all thoughts about the day left my head. I couldn't think of anything but his hands rubbing up and down my body and the feelings he was evoking in me. When we had finished, I curled up to him and laid my head on his chest right over Abel's name.

"Jax?"

"Yeah?"

"Um, I know we have talked and worked stuff out but…"

"What's bothering you?"

"It's just, everything has been running a hundred miles an hour and we never fully worked through all our problems. I want us to; I mean you and Abel are the most important people in my life but I am afraid that if I don't vent all my feelings they will boil over at some point."

"You're right; usually we just put it off until the worst time possible. So, let's work this out we have a couple hours before breakfast."

I can't believe he is willing to work on all this; I reach out to hug him.

"Thank you!"

"Tara, did you really think I wouldn't? I promised myself once I got Abel back that I would do whatever it took to get you to come back to us. And when I found those bodies; all I could see was two heads of dark hair and my heart stopped. I didn't even want to check because as long as I didn't know it was you there was hope. I felt bad but when I saw that they weren't you all I wanted was to jump up and cheer. I never want to have the fear that you won't be a part of my life again."

"You slept with Ima to get me out of your life; didn't you think about me not being with you then?"

"Yeah, but I knew you would still be around and I would still get to see you. When I thought you were dead, my world stopped."

I rubbed my hand over his chest. "I know how that feels, Jax. I live with that same fear almost every time you go out. When you went to meet Weston, when you went after Zobelle, and all these runs; I know there is a chance you won't come back and I have to deal with that to get the time I do have. You know the only reason I made it through all that stuff is because I could trust you to tell me everything. Now I have to wonder how much you do tell me and how much I can trust you."

He pulled my head up so I was looking at him. "I promise you I tell you everything I can. I may not tell you right away but I will always tell you the truth."

"Can I trust you not to sleep with someone else again?" I had to ask the biggest question in my head.

He pulled me up to him, grabbing my face in his hands. "I swear to you on Abel's and my unborn child's life; I will NEVER sleep with anyone else. I was only trying to push you away for your safety, which didn't work out well either. I want to be with you and only you, please Tara, you have to believe me."

"I do, Jax. It's just hard to get past… you know." I went for a kiss but at that time our unborn child made his presence known and I had to rush to the bathroom.

I felt Jax grab my hair and hold it back while I emptied my stomach contents. While I was brushing my teeth, I saw him staring at me.

"What, Jax?"

"How bad has it been?" at my blank stare, he went on "The pregnancy and hiding the pregnancy? And why didn't you use it to keep me? You had to know I wouldn't leave you if you were pregnant."

I finished before turning to answer him. "I didn't tell you because you had enough to deal with and didn't need me to add to it. I would never use a baby as a way to keep you. As for how hard…it's been rough. The morning sickness sucks and I'm always tired but without telling people, no one could understand why. So I have been dealing with a lot of stress when it comes to hiding things." I stop him before he comes closer "There is something you need to know, Jax. The night I was taken; I was on my way to a clinic to have an abortion." I finished in a whisper.

"You were what?"

"You heard me, I had taken…a friend the night before and after she went in, I set an appointment. I know I wouldn't have actually done it because the whole day I kept coming up with reasons not to and then when Louisa hit us, everything clicked. I didn't care if we became us again or not. I wanted this baby, I wanted OUR baby. Fighting for our child's life was what kept me going and I can't love this child more than I do. I hope you can forgive me."

I saw him take a breath before talking "I almost gave up Abel. He had been adopted out to a nice couple and I let him go. That is how I found out you were pregnant because when I told ma all this she slapped me and told me about you. Once all that sank in I knew I had to get our boy and get this family back together." He waited until I looked at him coming up to me and hugging me.

"No one's perfect, Tara. I know I never gave you a reason to want my child but what is important is that you and I are in this together now." He gave me a kiss and then turned on the shower.

"We better get ready to go to breakfast; I think we both need a shower. Come on babe, wash my back for me."

I smiled as I stepped into the shower, I haven't felt so happy and relieved as I did right now.

Sorry it's so short but I think they needed a talk and so next chapter will have the last episode. I'm not sure if I will add anything from their time locked up or when they get out or not…what does everyone think?


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

When I stepped out of the shower, I quickly got dressed and went looking for my boys; I had to hurry and grab the camera because Jax had fallen asleep in the nursery with Abel on his chest. I didn't want to wake them so I went and got ready. Once I was ready and had the diaper bag packed, I went to strap in the car seat base again. I had to stop and get my emotions in check, damn pregnancy hormones. I had my head on the car when I felt arms go around my waist and I immediately started to fight and scream.

"Tara, It's me, TARA! It's just me."

He spun me around to see his face and I let out a breath and then I smacked him across the face.

"Fuck babe, was that necessary?"

"Oh Jax, I'm sorry you just scared me so badly. I'm sorry; I guess I'm just jumpy after everything. Are you ok?"

He wrapped me in a hug, "I'm fine. I'm sorry too, I just wasn't thinking. Besides it's not the first time you've slapped me and unfortunately, it probably won't be the last."

I only smiled and leaned in, resting my head on his chest.

"What are you doing out here anyway, Tara?"

"Well I was putting the base back in the car and loading up, so when I went in to get you guys up, we would be ready to go."

"Tara, you are amazing, you know that?"

"No, I just do my best. Come on, let's get our boy and go get breakfast. I'm starving!"

"Oh well, we better hurry." He paused to put his hands on my belly "I wouldn't want my son to be hungry."

I shook my head and let him lead me into the house. I let Jax drive to the clubhouse and as we pulled up I saw everyone milling around, and I felt complete. This may not be an ideal life but it is our life and with all this family at least my kids will be loved like no other.

Once Jax parked we both got out, I grabbed the diaper bag and Jax took Abel. He quickly came over to me and put his arm around my shoulder. We walked towards the clubhouse getting stopped the whole time with people congratulating us on having Abel back. We finally made it inside the clubhouse only to be surrounded and applauded.

"Well…?" Bobby asked.

"Well what?"

"How are you, Tara?"

"I'm fine thanks, Bobby."

"Babe, I think he is asking about this." Jax pulled out my ultrasound picture and held it up. "The baby is healthy and due in about 7 months."

We got engulfed with hugs and well wishes. After everyone had hugged us and was looking at the ultrasound, I stepped back.

"You guys look all you want but I am hungry, so I'm eating."

"Yes, Get over here and feed my grandson." Gemma called out.

Once I had my plate, I grabbed Abel so Jax could get some food and as soon as he got his plate, he took Abel back.

"Now you eat. I will hold him and eat."

I did just that and we kept getting more people stopping by and they all just kept making me laugh. It was like the stress of the past month just never existed. When Lyla and Opie announced their engagement, it just re-energized everyone more. Everyone took turns holding Abel, which gave Jax and me some time to ourselves.

"How are you doing, Tara?"

"I'm good, Jax. Finally, I feel good and content. I really missed all this. Its times like now that I understand your draw to the club."

He wrapped me in a hug. "I love you, Tara."

"I love you, Jax."

Our wonderful moment was interrupted by our new bundle of joy reminding me it was there and I had to run through the guys and throw up. I felt Jax come up behind me and hold my hair again. We sat back there for a few minutes to make sure my stomach had settled before leaving the apartment. We walked back hand in hand and got Abel. I heard Jax telling Abel that he was going to have a little brother.

"You Teller's sure are confident it's a boy."

"I already told you; I have a feeling."

"Yeah, yeah." I shook my head but had to smile at his confidence.

As breakfast wrapped up, I went to Lyla.

"Hey, Lyla. Do you and the kids want to come to my house?"

"I would really like that, Tara. Thank you!"

I loaded Abel up and got ready to head home while Jax and the rest of SAMCRO got ready to head out as well. Jax walked us to the car and I paused before climbing in.

"What's going on, Jax? Everyone seems extra tense."

"It's just the bail hearing coming up and we are all getting ready to go inside."

I kissed him goodbye and drove home followed by Lyla. When I got to the house I noticed Neeta was already there. We were all laughing and having a good time when my cell phone rang; Gemma was calling from jail and freaking out about Clay and Jax. I decided to go straight to the source and drove to the clubhouse leaving Abel with Neeta and Lyla.

I only got to talk to Jax for a minute before he had to get back into the clubhouse to tell them about Chucky's counterfeit bills. I went home with a horrible feeling, something big and dangerous was going on and the boys were leaving all the old ladies in the dark. I think Lyla and Neeta knew I had a lot on my mind and they let me just sit in the chair holding Abel. A little while later my cell phone rang, this time a hesitant Jax came on the line.

"Tara, we need some help."

"Ok, I will be there shortly."

"Baby, this isn't some patch up job we, what we need help with is dangerous…but we need some help."

"Ok, I will be there shortly." I repeated.

I drove to the clubhouse wondering what I was getting myself into. When I got there Opie was waiting for me.

JAX'S POV

That was one of the worst phone calls I have ever had to make. I didn't want Tara anywhere near the Russians; I wanted her safe and sound at our house with Abel. I know she is the only one who could do what we needed but that didn't change my feelings. I went in to talk to Clay, maybe we can throw one of the prospects in her car or something.

I walked in and watched as my brothers all packed away money, guns and strapped on bullet proof vests. When I got handed one, I knew it was Tara's because it was extra-long to cover more. I was glad she would be relatively safe; but the thought that I would be putting this on Tara, and my unborn kid, was heartbreaking.

As I walked over to her and Opie, I saw how brave she was being. I stared at her trying to memorize everything I could about her, I knew this would be my last chance to hold Tara before we went in and so when I hugged and kissed her; I put all my feelings into it. Most people wouldn't be able to see how nervous she was but years of loving this woman told me she was scared to death and my desperate kissing didn't help. I watched as my life drove out of the parking lot before walking over to Clay and Unser.

I said goodbye to all the guys who would be lucky enough to not be joining us in prison and who controlled my future in their hands. Opie and I had talked earlier at breakfast.

"_Opie, I need you man."_

"_Jax, you have nothing to worry about we will all make sure everything goes as planned. We want you guys back as quick as possible too."_

"_No Opie, I have no worries about that. I need you to help Tara. Man, I am leaving her with a baby and pregnant. Ma's gonna be on house arrest since she had to be in Ireland, so I am sure Tara, will start being relied on more and I am not going to be around to help."_

"_Jax, I love you both, brother. When I was locked up Donna told me how much you helped and I plan on returning the favor. You have nothing to worry about; Tara is probably the most loved old lady here."_

"_Opie, don't let Ma hear you say that." _

"_She would be ok, she is the most feared Old Lady and she likes it that way. Your mom and Tara are alike in some ways but your mom kills us with fear and love but Tara, she kills with kindness."_

"_That's my girl." I looked over to see Chibbs chatting with her making her laugh and rubbing her belly. I couldn't help but smile, who would have thought the Doctor and the Biker would make it; maybe they could change the club for the better._

"_Hey Opie, one last thing. Make sure all the guys keep their hands to themselves."_

_Opie just laughed, patted me on the back and walked to Lyla and I went to Tara._

I got on my bike and took off to the meeting with the Russians. As we came down the hill and I saw Tara, standing there, I felt huge relief and fear at the same time.

Tara's POV

I drove to the meeting spot and waited. I sat in the Cutlass for what seemed like forever, waiting on the guys. I sat there thinking about everything in the past few weeks that had led to this point. I couldn't believe the 180 my life had taken after Abel was taken and all the work it had taken to get back to this point. I knew most people would think I took Jax back too easily, but I didn't care. Jax and I have been in love since we were 16 years old. We may have our ups and down but he is my family, always has been always will be and now we would have two children to add to our family. I got sick of sitting there so I went to get out and realized I had the bullet proof vest on and that would look crazy to anyone passing by, so I found one of Jax's hoodies and slipped it on and stood by the front of the car. I couldn't help but think about the poor woman who got killed on her way home from work by Salazar. Lucky for me, I heard the bikes coming and saw their approach and began moving to the back of the car. Seeing Jax again filled me with so much relief.

I drove back to the clubhouse the long way, as I had been told, in silence with the prospects riding along. I pulled into the shop and stepped out taking deep breaths.

"Are you ok?"

I looked at the prospects and nodded. "Yeah, can you just give me a minute?"

I looked around for something to attack the scumbag in my trunk. Anyone who uses an innocent baby deserves to die. I found a long screwdriver and went to the trunk but I couldn't bring myself to open the trunk. Something told me to leave it, not to mention I'm a healer not a killer. I heard a roar in my ears and felt my stomach roll. I ran to the first trash can, threw up and began crying.

I never heard anyone come in but I swung with the screwdriver when someone tapped my shoulder, luckily Tig was quick enough to avoid a hit.

"Jeez, Doc."

"Oh, Tig! I'm so sorry!"

"Hey no biggie, are you ok? And why in the hell do you have a screwdriver?"

I dropped it and looked at him and somehow this man knew what I had planned and took the screwdriver and put it away and wrapped me in a hug.

"Tara, I know this piece of shit would deserve anything you could do to him. Without him, Abel would have been back quickly, you never would have been taken and things wouldn't have gotten so messed up but trust me that is not who you are and you never will be, as long as we are around. I would never want you to have the same guilt I face due to my choices. Tara, you are a good person and you should never change and I know Jax will do anything to keep you from that."

"Tig, I am like that. I killed someone. I let Abel get kidnapped; I killed someone and because I did that Salazar killed an innocent woman on her way home from work. How do I live with that?"

I felt Tig wrap me in a bigger hug but heard Juice speak

"Tara, you have always done the right thing. You killing the girl was self-defense and you had nothing to do with the other girl and without you telling us, we would have had no idea where to look for Abel and we probably never would have found him. You want to know how to live with it, you look at Abel and you think about your unborn child and you think about what they would do without you."

I couldn't believe Juice was so sensitive; I put my hand on my stomach and looked up as Bobby came and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Doc, without you I don't know where this club would be. Jax's head isn't all there when you are not here. We need you, so you do what you need to do to deal with it but you can't dwell on anything that has happened. You did what you had to do."

"Well, isn't this a sweet sight. You all know Jax would kill you for having your hands on her, right?" Clay smiled at them. "Ok, everyone out."

I gave Tig hug before turning to Bobby and Juice. "Thank you all, I needed to hear that."

I turned and took a deep breath and got ready to leave when Clay cleared his throat.

"Tara, I know we haven't been close and when you first came back Gemma and I didn't treat you well and to be honest I was never happy about that. I always knew you and Jax would end up together again. You had to get out or you would have ended up hating Jax and Jax needed to learn how good you were for him. You were always meant to be a doctor, just as he was always meant to take over this club. He needs a strong woman by his side. There isn't anyone I trust more with my son's heart, my grandchildren's lives and my club. When we go inside and Gemma is on house arrest, this club will need you."

"You can count on me, Clay. And thank you. I appreciate your confidence in me."

He gave me a hug then led me from the shop. Within 15 minutes, I saw Jax pull in and I started toward him but then I noticed the car and van following him and my steps slowed. I stood beside Gemma and heard Stahl peg Jax as a rat. There was no way Jax would do that but when he admitted it, the breath left my lungs. I watched as all those guys, who had just calmed me, and told me they needed me told Jax he was dead. How could they do that, didn't they know the kids and I needed him. I became numb and could move until I saw them leading Jax away and I knew this was my last chance to see him so I ran and hugged him as tight as I could and hoped he knew I loved him because I certainly couldn't talk.

I watched as the love of my life left with half of my family, and they left with the plans of killing him. I followed the van as it left and I caught Jax's eyes briefly before the van was out of sight. I glared as Stahl left the parking lot smiling. If I ever catch the bitch alone in a dark alley she would pay for ruining my family. I took a few breaths before turning back to Gemma and Lyla. I walked slowly back and Gemma rushed to meet me and wrapped me in a hug and all my strength left me and I started sobbing. I felt Lyla come from behind and wrap me in a hug. I vaguely heard Gemma tell me she was leaving and to bring Abel over but I just couldn't focus.

I sat on the picnic table alone for a while before I decided to head out and get back to Abel. Right before I stood up I saw the remaining SAMCRO guys heading in; so I got up and headed to the Cutlass. Jax wouldn't make it through the night and was no longer part of SAMCRO so neither was I. I felt my heart start to break again. I stopped and picked up some of the duct tape that had been on Jimmy and I saw the tear fall on it and run onto the ground.

Lyla came up to me, I think she had been close the whole time I just didn't realize it, and she put her arm around me.

"Tara, let me drive you home and then take Abel to Gemma's and then you can have some time alone."

"How am I supposed to go on, Lyla?"

"I don't know; just take it day by day I guess."

"I would appreciate a ride, thank you."

I got in her car and barely saw the remaining SAMCRO, all watching me. Once home, I ran to Abel and wrapped him in a huge hug. I didn't want to let him go but I knew it would be good for Abel to be with Gemma while I calmed down and she would want to be near Abel.

I stayed by the door until Lyla disappeared then went to sit down. I couldn't hold still so I started cleaning and that's when I found the letters. I had finished one and was processing it when I heard the knock and went to answer it. It was the prospects with a letter from Jax but before I got the door shut I heard another bike and even though I knew it couldn't be, my heart started beating hoping to see Jax. Instead I saw Opie, so I stayed by the door to let him in.

"What do you need, Opie?"

"I came to check on you but I see you just got the letter. So I am just going to sit and wait until you read what Jax says and then talk."

I opened the letter and began reading it.

_Tara,_

_I want to start this letter by reminding you how much I love you and how sorry I am to have hurt you in all the ways I have lately. I know this is just one more thing that will hurt you but you had to be kept in the dark. I promise when I get out of jail I will not lie to you anymore but you couldn't know our plans, I couldn't let you become an accessory to murder. Since you are reading this it means the threat to our family in Agent Stahl and Jimmy O are gone. I would never turn my back on my family and never turn on the club. All of the threats were just for show, I swear to you I am still a member of SAMCRO and we will watch each other's backs. I am sorry I will be missing out on so much of Abel and our new son's lives but there is NO ONE I trust to raise my children other than you. I will be getting with the lawyers about starting adoption papers for Abel, expect to hear from Rosen soon. I hope you won't be too mad at me to call and write. I will be in here for 14 months but it's better than it could have been. Start a countdown and I will see you soon._

_I love you Tara, and I will miss you and the kids every day._

_Love,_

_Jax_

I looked at Opie and he nodded.

"Yes Tara, he is safe. This was all about protecting you and the club. Jax thought of it and it was the only thing we could think of."

"I have been going through hell for the past couple hours and it was for no reason."

"Yeah but.."

I slapped him across the face before he could finish.

"You bunch of ASSHOLES!"

I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands. After a couple minutes, I looked up again.

"I'm sorry Opie, it's just I was so upset and then to find out it was all just a rouse…I shouldn't have slapped you. Forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive, actually you won Jax and I some cash. We both said you would slap any member here when you read it and everyone said not if it was me but Jax and I know you."

I had to laugh, that's my guys betting on violence.

Authors' note- I think I will continue this for a little bit. It won't go like my last story but we will see where the story takes us before the next season.

Can't wait to hear your thoughts.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

I had just loaded Abel when I heard the bikes. Jax and the guys had been locked up for 4 months now and I hadn't been able to go visit him in the past month. Between Abel and his first birthday party, the hospital, running errands for Gemma, helping out at Teller-Morrow and patching up the members, I had just been too busy to even breathe, let alone drive to Stockton. When Opie, Chibs, Kozik and the prospects all pulled in, I was confused.

"Don't tell me there is a medical emergency, guys. I haven't seen Jax in a month."

Opie spoke up first "No, We are all going up to visit so we are going to escort you and Abel."

"Escort me? Should I be worried here?"

"It's more precaution than anything. We have enemies and we are weakened and they know it."

"Should I leave Abel with Gemma or is he safe?"

When no one answered me, I stepped up to Opie.

"Opie, What would you do if it were you and your kids?"

"That's hard to answer, Tara. If I were in Jax's shoes, I would want you both. As the one on the outside, I think I would leave Abel at home for this visit."

I walked back to the car and looked in and put my other hand on my ever expanding baby bump. Abel looked at me with such trusting eyes.

"I am going to drop him at Gemma's. Are you guys following me or do you want me to meet you somewhere?"

"We will follow you."

Luckily the drive to Stockton was uneventful. I waited in line to get into the visiting area along with the guys but at right as I got through the baby kicked hard and I had to go to the bathroom.

"Hey, guys I will be right back. Before you ask, I am just going to the bathroom the one place you guys can't follow. Just have your meeting so I have him to myself when I get back."

I had to go back through so it took me a little while to get back, I really hoped their meeting would be done, but as I came through I realized they were still talking so I slowed down. I put my hand on my belly and immediately got a kick. Jax must have noticed me because his smile seemed to light up the depressing visiting room. He tapped the table and nodded to me, and flagged me over.

Clay spoke first "Wow, Doc. You certainly have popped since we saw you last. Go ahead Jax, we don't need to vote on anything; enjoy your visit."

I could only smile as Jax came over to me and gave me a hug. His hands found my hair and cheek and brought our faces together kissing me with a passion, that I hadn't realized I needed, and it took all my self-control not to try and lift his shirt and run my hands over his skin.

He took a step back and looked down at my stomach.

"Look at you…You are beautiful."

"You are just starved for a female evidently; I am getting very big quickly. All of this has been in the past month."

He smiled "I'm not just saying that, you are one hot pregnant woman. Let's sit down over here."

He led me to a table next to the rest of the SAMCRO guys where we sat next to each other. I could tell the seating wasn't a coincidence, they were all on high alert.

"Tara, everything alright at home?"

"Yes, I will have a letter in the mail soon with pictures from Abel's party. Your mother and I may have gone a bit over board but other than you guys being gone it was a good day."

"Good, I'm sorry I missed it but glad it was good. What I meant was; you don't look like normal. Are you taking care of yourself?"

I knew this full disclosure would come back and bite me. "I'm doing the best I can. I am trying to put in extra shifts before I take my maternity leave. No Gemma means that TM needs help. Lord knows I do my fair share of patching up, since you guys have more enemies than the hospital has nurses. And Abel is cutting teeth so I just am getting a little worn out. WE are all fine over all. Jax, don't worry about us; you concentrate on watching your back."

Before he could reply I flinched at a kick to my side and Jax immediately went into panic mode.

"What is it? Are you ok? The baby?"

"Jax, take a deep breath. The baby just kicked, some are pretty strong. Here, feel right here." I took his hand and guided it to where the baby had just kicked.

Sure enough he was rewarded with a strong kick right to his hand. He saw me flinch so he lowered his head to my belly.

"Hey son, it's Dad. I like you kicking for me, but you got to take it easy on your mom. She is dealing with enough." He followed that by a kiss and I knew I was about to cry. True to my hormonal fashion of late a tear fell and Jax looked up.

"Hey, don't cry." He rubbed his thumb over my cheek to wipe off the tear.

"I'm sorry, it's just the hormones. I cry over everything."

He gave me a quick kiss just as the guards called the club back. They only had a minute left.

"I love you, Tara. Take care of my family."

"I will, take care of yourself. This family needs you." After one final kiss, I left the room.

A week later I left my ultrasound appointment, picked up Abel and drove to Stockton. On the way there I started thinking…When Jax first went in, I tried to write a letter every couple days but now if I got one every couple weeks I was happy. I just didn't have enough energy to do it at the end of the day. I know he is afraid that means I am giving up but if I fully explained everything I do, he might understand the letter situation but he would kill me for it. I was so excited to tell him the sex of the baby I never even thought of calling any of the guys, but when I saw a vehicle following me I realized my mistake. I quickly pulled out my cell and called the garage.

"Teller-Morrow."

"Chucky, it's Tara. Are any of the guys handy?"

"Yeah, let me get Chibs."

I watched as this vehicle followed my every lane change. Just then Chibs got on the line.

"What can I do for you love?"

"I have a problem. I am heading to Stockton and I know I forgot to call someone but I have someone following me."

"Shit, where are you?"

"I am on 315 about to make the turn onto 195."

"Ok, I am on my way, whatever you do don't stop."

Yeah, like that would happen. I looked back at Abel who was peacefully playing with his motorcycle toy. As I neared Stockton, I saw a bike coming up fast. When it caught up to the car following me, the car took off. I saw Chibs start to follow and I quickly pulled into the prison parking lot. I was earlier than normal, so I was able to park close to the front and I quickly got Abel and I inside. I stayed by the door, knowing Chibs would be there shortly. Sure enough within 5 minutes, he came walking into the building.

"I lost um, Doc. Sorry."

"No, you're fine. Thank you for getting here so quickly."

"Aye, let's go see the guys."

Chibs and I sat at a table talking while we waited. After a few minute a very happy looking Jax and Clay came walking in.

"Hey baby, it's good to see you." Jax half ran to us. "Abel, how's my little man? Huh?"

"Abel, tell Daddy you new word."

"Dada" There were tears in Jax's eyes.

"Yeah, that's me little man. Thank you, Tara." I just nodded.

"I have something else to let you see." I pulled out the ultrasound pictures and put them facedown. "How much is it worth?"

He looked anxious and confused "How much is what?"

"Don't play dumb. You all bet over everything, how much is the baby pool worth?"

He smiled "Since most of the guys are saying it's a girl, the girls get about $20 bucks. Clay, Tig and I get about $40.00 when he comes."

"Since I'm carrying _him_ I expect half." I couldn't help but smile at the way his smile hit the second I said "him" and I had to laugh as he snatched the pictures and flipped them over. The very top one was all the proof he needed. He leaned over Abel to kiss me.

"See this Abel; you are going to have a little brother." He kissed my belly "Hi son. I can't wait to meet you."

Clay spoke up "Another grandson, Gemma must be as thrilled as I am. Congrats, you two."

"Thanks Clay, but actually Gemma doesn't know. I left straight from the doctor."

After a few minutes, Chibs spoke up. "I hate to ruin everyone's good mood but I have some bad news."

"What is it, Chibs?" he had both Jax and Clay's full attention.

"Well Tara had a tail on her way here and when I got close, they took off before I could see who it was."

"What do you mean when you got close to her? Why weren't you following her?" Jax practically screamed.

"Jax, calm down, you will upset Abel. I told you I left from the doctor and I forgot to call someone. It was my fault; don't take it out on him."

Clay jumped in before anyone else flipped out. "Tara, you can't go out alone right now. Keep a prospect on her at all times. Tara, until we have everything settled you have a houseguest."

I sighed. I knew there was no fighting this so I just nodded. After all, I had to think about both boys' safety.

It had been a long couple months with someone around all the time, but finally Gemma was coming off house arrest and could take back over at TM and watching over the club. I was sitting at the house watching Abel play when I remembered Lyla needed a bridal shower. I began making calls and setting up everything. Two weeks later I was finishing up the decorations with Gemma and trying to be ready for Lyla in 15 minutes. I looked around laughing at the array of people. There were a lot of old ladies and porn stars and a few other women from around town. I stood outside and waited on Lyla to show up and when Opie dropped her off I blindfolded her and took her to the room I had rented.

"Surprise!"

"Tara, you did all this? Thank you, it is wonderful!"

She gave me a hug and began saying hi to everyone. An hour into the party and everything was still on track, surprisingly enough. Lyla was opening her gifts and I decided to sit and relax, my mistake. The second I sat, I saw a face I never wanted to see again. Ima stepped through the door in a skin tight dress that left nothing to the imagination. I stood up and walked as calmly as I could to the whore.

"Ima, what in the hell are you doing here?"

"Oh well I heard about this little party and I figured my invite just got lost, so I came to celebrate with Lyla."

"Well your invite wasn't lost, so why don't you just leave? Don't ruin this day for Lyla."

"Look at you, it's not like you can do anything."

She went to step around me and bumped me and unfortunately my temper being what it is, I reached over and pulled her back. I instantly knew I screwed up because I felt a pull and a pain in my abdomen. I instantly bent over grabbing my stomach.

"Tara!" Lyla called to me but I was trying to move to the wall to have some support. "Gemma, something is wrong with Tara."

Within a few seconds I had Lyla and Gemma at my side, where Gemma took over.

"Lyla call the boys and get them over here."

I tried to breathe "No, Lyla go back to the party and enjoy your day. I am fine, really."

"Tara, you are not fine. I have had plenty of time here, Gemma's right we have to get you to the hospital."

"Fine, I will go as soon as the guys get here if you promise to finish the party."

"Oh my…fine, I will finish the party and then join you at the hospital. You are the most stubborn woman I have ever met."

The guys ran into the hallway, guns drawn.

"What happened?" Opie was first to realize the threat wasn't what they thought.

"You need to get Tara to the hospital."

"But I thought the Doc. isn't due until next month?" Poor Kozik didn't get it.

"Well, this guy has other plans. Can we go?"

I got into my room pretty quickly and instantly became nervous. Kozik was right, I was early, so I didn't know what all could be wrong with my son. My mind began to fill with thoughts of Abel and I panicked more. Gemma, like always, seemed to figure out my problems.

"Tara, this little guy is not going to have the same problems as Abel." I could only nod.

I couldn't wait to start pushing, 15 hours of contractions and I was tired of it. Gemma kept telling me how good I was doing and the guys kept checking on me, along with Lyla. Even with everyone here, I missed Jax terribly. The next time the guys came in, 16hrs into the labor, I snapped at Opie.

"You go to Stockton right now. Tell that asshole I won't be coming for a while because I hate him. He gets all the benefits and he isn't even here to help me through this…I never want to talk to him again."

"Now Tara, you know he would love to be here."

"DON'T YOU DARE! Don't stick up for him." Just then another contraction hit and I had to breathe through it. "Tell the prick he will never touch me again while you're visiting."

"I will tell ol' Jackie Boy everything, love."

A half hour later, I was finally ready to push. With Gemma holding my left hand and Lyla holding my right, I pushed Thomas David Teller into this world at 6:30am. The second I heard his cry, I began sobbing along with him. Gemma and Lyla hugged me and then Dr. Smith handed him to me and I couldn't believe how lucky I was. I only got to hold him for a minute before they took him for tests. We weren't sure if he would have the family flaw. The next 30 minutes would be the longest of my life.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

An hour later, my favorite nurse came in with Dr. Nimead carrying Thomas.

"Well, Tara, This is one perfect little boy." Dr. Nimead smiled "We ran every test twice and we got a clean echo. He has no signs of any defect, heart or otherwise. Congratulations!"

When they handed Thomas back to me, I was truly able to breathe deeply and enjoy my son. I took the next half hour to feed him before letting anyone else in the room. By the time I had finished feeding him, I had the nurse coming in saying my waiting fans were getting impatient.

"Go ahead and let them in, Megan."

Lyla and Gemma led the way with Abel and a camera. Chibs, Opie, Kozik and Piney followed with flowers and balloons. After everyone had gotten a chance to hold him and a ton of pictures were taken, I kicked everyone out and picked up the phone to call Jax.

I had to wait for him to call me back, since he had to call on the payphones. When my phone rang I smiled, I couldn't wait to tell him.

"HI, baby"

"Tara, are you ok? They said it was urgent."

"Well, I am in the hospital but I am fine." Of course, before I could finish, he interrupted.

"WHAT? What happened?"

"Well, Thomas decided he couldn't wait to join the Teller family. I just had our son, Jax." There was a pause and I could hear the emotion in his voice.

"Are you both ok? No problems?"

"No, it went fine and according to all the tests he doesn't have any defects. He is beautiful."

"Guys, Tara had Thomas."

I heard the guys cheering and slapping him. I wondered why everyone was there, but let it go when he came back on the line.

"So when did you have him?"

"About 2 hours ago. 7lbs 8oz. 18 ½ inches, head full of blonde hair with blue eyes."

"Wow, thank you babe. You are amazing. When will I get to see you guys?"

"I should be released in a couple of days, so we should make this week's visitation, unless you need to see the guys more?"

"Hell no, bring my boys and you as soon as you can."

"I will. I promise. I love you, Jax."

"I love you too, Tara. My time is up; I got to go. I'm sorry babe. I am so happy- you have no idea. I can't wait to see you."

I started to cry, hearing his voice made me miss him all the more. I missed having him here for this and I missed having him there to hold me. I still had a long wait for him though, so I began to focus on my boys.

I had been out of the hospital 2 days and Gemma was taking Thomas and I to see Jax. I was glad to see our early start paid off and not a lot of people were there yet. I carried Thomas to the table and sat him on the floor and was rocking him while talking to Gemma when I knew he walked in. I stood at the same time as Gemma but she beat me to him. He quickly hugged and kissed her cheek and made his way to me. When he kissed me I felt at home for the first time in months. I felt him flinch away when I ran my hands over his side but he brushed it off and quickly went to look at Thomas.

"He's perfect."

I felt my heart swell when I saw the look Jax gave us both. I reached in to pick him up and give him to Jax.

"Say hi to Daddy."

As I put Thomas in Jax's arms, my smile was huge. It felt amazing to let Jax meet our son.

"Abel has a bit of a cold; I didn't want to risk it. I will bring him next week."

"Ok." We sat side by side with Thomas between us when I heard Gemma speak up.

"I'm going to give you a minute."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." Jax broke back into my thoughts.

""I know. Your mother was in the room."

"I'm sorry for that too." I had to keep rubbing his face and arms I just wanted to be close to him while I could.

"I want you to know that I will never miss anything like this again."

He kissed my finger before looking back down to Thomas.

"He's beautiful." He smiled "You were right, he is perfect. I am one lucky man."

"I am the lucky one. Abel and Thomas are both perfect and I feel so lucky every day. Once you get home then everything will be perfect."

"I can't wait for that either, babe. That is all I think about…I just want to be with you and our boys."

I reached out to hug him. "I know Jax, and you will be soon, you just have to stay out of trouble for a bit longer. Is everything ok for you in here?"

"Don't worry about me, Tara. How are things out there, any tails?"

"No, and Phil is staying with me and at the moment I am at your mom's. She insisted when Thomas came home."

"That's a good idea, as much as I'm sure you hate it."

I just shrugged, I didn't want to tell him about all the letters and trouble I felt about them all. Just then Thomas started stretching and our attention went back to him.

"Tara, I can't say enough to thank you. I owe both of my son's lives to you. You sticking with me, I know it's not easy but it means everything that you are sticking with me through it all."

"Jax, I meant what I said. I am in this for the long hall, the good, the bad and the horrible. Don't get me wrong, this is awful and stressful but I'm surviving and counting down the days. Things have changed in Charming, which doesn't help my fears. I am so afraid of getting you back and then you going away again."

"Hey, don't. I am going to do any and everything I have to do to stay with my family. Just focus on what we will do when I get out."

I felt a tear slip down my cheek and he took his thumb and wiped it away.

"I'm sorry; I am still very hormonal and emotional."

He put his forehead to mine. "I wish I was going home with you to help you and now that I have you both here I don't want to let you go."

The guard called out to us "Two minutes, Teller."

We instantly locked eyes and I put my hand in his head and pulled him to me for a kiss. "Go ahead and focus on Thomas."

He smiled at me and began talking to our son. "Hey, Thomas. I need you to be good for your mom. She deserves it. You are perfect and I love you." He gave him a kiss when the guard called out again. I had to take Thomas from Jax and we both stood up and he hugged and kissed us one more time before walking away. I was able to keep the tears in until he went through the door and then I fell apart. I saw Gemma come back in and took the baby and wrapped me in a hug.

"I know, sweetheart. I know, but let's get to the car. We can't show weakness here."

We stood up and walked to the car.

A week later, I loaded both boys in Gemma's SUV and again headed for Stockton. Everyone was going this time so all the SAMCRO guys would get to visit at once. Both boys fell asleep on the way there so I put my head back and I followed their lead. When Gemma woke me, I had to sit there and calm down and not bite her head off. Sleep deprivation for new mothers sucks, I learned that quickly. I took a quick look in the mirror and tried to recover the dark circles under my eyes before I got the kids out. Opie carried a still semi asleep Abel in while Chibs carried Thomas's car seat.

We got into the visiting room and we sat down and I picked Thomas up; but that is when Abel realized I wasn't within eye sight so he cried out and ran into my arms. So like so many times this past week I sat there with Thomas in one arm and Abel curled up in my other. Just then we saw the guys come into the room. I saw Jax stop just inside the door and stare at us smiling.

"Abel, look who just came in." I pointed at Jax.

"Daddy." He quickly got out and ran as fast as his little toddler legs would let him to him. Jax bent down and picked him up and quickly the rest of the guys patted his head before they all walked over towards us. I watched as Gemma, Opie, Chibs and Kozik all embraced Jax who continued to make his way towards me. Unlike last time I didn't even stand up, I just plain didn't have the energy. Finally Jax and Abel made it to us and he sat down immediately and kissed me and Thomas.

"Hi Baby."

"Hi yourself. Are you ok?"

"I'm just worn out, Jax. It has been a long week. How are you?"

Before he could answer SAMCRO came over to meet Thomas.

"You did well; I have two handsome grandsons." Clay spoke up.

Tig gave me a hug "Good job, doc."

"Tara, he's cute. Who's the father?" Juice chimed in.

"Oh ha ha. Go sit down, you clowns." I smiled; I forgot how much I had missed all this. I looked at Jax staring at Thomas.

"Hey Abel. Come sit with Mommy and let Daddy see Thomas." Abel climbed into my lap without a fuss which surprised me, and then Jax took Thomas.

"He has already changed."

I gave a half smile. "Yeah, he has."

"How are you holding up?"

"Jax, I told you don't worry about us. Focus on staying safe."

"Tara, we are being careful, but I will never quit worrying about you and our boys. Are you getting enough rest?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Jax, Thomas is up every couple hours and Abel only naps for a couple hours a day. I don't get rest; I just resort to remembering how I survived med school and internship. I will be fine, I've done worse."

"Why don't you have Mom take Abel and let you sleep?"

"Because we are back at home. We couldn't stay there and I wanted to start getting a routine going. Don't say anything. Gemma comes over and so does Lyla."

"What about Neeta?"

"She is on vacation; I made her take it now while I was on leave from St. Thomas. I figured she would be pulling double time until you got out and would need a break."

"You're probably right." Abel went over to Jax and tapped him whining. "What is it, little man?"

"He wants you to hold him too. He is still a little jealous and wants to be held anytime Thomas is."

So Jax adjusted Thomas so he could hold Abel too. He kissed them both on the forehead and looked at me.

"I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you on the outside taking care of my boys and family. Having you waiting is a curse and a blessing."

"A curse?" I couldn't believe he just said that.

"Well it just makes it 100% harder knowing that I have you waiting for me and I can't get to you and help you out."

I just nodded I didn't know what to say, I was relieved that he meant it that way; but there wasn't anything I could say to make anything better. I started rubbing his cheek and he rested his head against my hand. The rest of the visit we just talked about little things and kept it light. When the guards called the boys to leave, I gave Jax a kiss and took the boys back. I had just strapped Thomas in and the guys got to the door when the fight broke out. I spun and saw two prisoners going at it so I scooped up Abel and grabbed the car seat trying to put space between the fight and my kids. I felt a strong tug pull me quicker and I looked to see Opie pull me behind him. Abel began wailing because he got scared which made Thomas cry.

"It's ok baby, you're fine. Shhh." Rocking the car seat with my foot, I started rubbing Abel's back. I looked up and saw the anger, frustration and pain in Jax's face at not being with us.

"Abel, look at Daddy and blow him a kiss." When he did, both Abel and Jax smiled.

Gemma made it to us then and I gave Abel to her and got Thomas back out rocking him and calming him quickly. I threw Jax a wink as we all walked out the door.

A few days later I loaded the boys in Gemma's SUV and we headed to see Nate.

"Tara, Thank you for thinking of this. I can't wait to have Dad meet the boys."

"You're welcome, Gemma."

We walked into Nate's care facility and went to his room. Luckily he was having a good day and actually remembered Gemma.

"Hey, Dad. I brought some people for you to meet." She motioned for me to come in. "Dad, do you remember, Tara?"

"Yes, she is in charge of my care and with Jackson."

"Yes, she is and I wanted you to meet Jackson's sons. This is Abel and this little one is Thomas."

I started to tear up when Nate started to cry. "These are my grandson's? They look like Jackson."

I pulled out my camera and started taking pictures of Nate with the boys and Nate with Gemma.

"Hey Gemma, I am going to go talk with the doctor. Are you ok with the boys?"

"Yeah, we are good."

I finally tracked down the doctor.

"Hi Dr. Scott, I'm Dr. Knowles and I am Nate's guardian. How is he doing?"

"Hello, Dr. Knowles. He is as good as can be. We are trying everything in our power to keep him comfortable. His disease is progressing quickly. I am sorry to say that within the next year or two, he will probably not remember anything of his life. His scans are showing less than a year but I am hoping with the new cocktail we have him on we can prolong the inevitable; but as a doctor you know I can't promise anything,"

"I understand, thank you for taking the time to talk to me."

I went back to the room and watched Gemma and Nate play with the boys.

It had been a few weeks and I hadn't made it back to see Jax and I was excited to be doing that today. I left the boys with Gemma and hoped that Jax wouldn't be too upset with me for not bringing the boys. I walked through the security with Opie and Chibs at my sides. We walked in the visiting room and they stayed there until Jax came through the doors. I met him halfway there and wrapped him in a hug and we kissed. He led me back to the table where we sat next to each other.

"Where are the boys?"

"At home with Gemma. They are fine, I just needed a break and to be honest the last visit scared me a little."

"You and me both baby. I am glad you came, letters don't do you justice." I smirked.

"Yeah, I know. I thought an alone visit may be nice too; we haven't done that for a long time. I brought pictures for you to look at."

"You all went to visit Nate?"

"Yeah, I took Gemma up. She had been stalling so I told her he should meet the boys. She jumped on the chance to show them off."

"Of course she did. Thank you for all you do out there."

We spent the rest of the visit holding hands, talking about the boys, and things going on in Charming. We kissed a lot and just took advantage of no barriers for a little while.

I was running around the house picking up and cleaning from top to bottom; I am such a bag of nerves. I can't believe that Jax was finally coming home. I was trying to make everything perfect for his return home, not to mention I just had to be doing something. Even the 10 years I spent away from Charming didn't feel as long as the past 14 months had. I heard the roar of bikes and went to the door. I was just in time to see the guys taking all the bikes up to pick up Jax and the other guys. I waved and smiled…My man was coming home!

**Authors note- I am pretty sure this story is done, but I think I will end up writing another story like this one just through season 4.**


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